It Goes Without Saying — a collaborative adventure in dubious prose

Just about every beginning writer will someday encounter the dubious advice to avoid using the word "said". While that leads to plenty of ridiculous prose, there is another, even more extreme school of writers who go to great lengths to avoid reusing words for verbal utterances. Here, then, are two chapters of a fictitious novel based upon that ideal. At least, here will be two chapters; they haven't been written yet. That's where you come in! Want to play?

Become a member of the crack story-writing team and let fly. The only two rules: never use "said" and never repeat a word for a verbal utterance. (I suppose I'll have to enforce some sort of family-friendly rule as well.)

In Chapter 5 we find the author beginning to run out of new ways to say "said". By Chapter 10 the fictitious writer will be forced into very silly euphemisms and outright invention. The story itself may well turn out to be quite silly as well (I toyed with dressing the mysterious people at the start of Chapter 5 in gold lamé suits and mirror sunglasses, but I thought maybe it would be better to start slower. You may disagree. Do what you feel is right.)